constellations

I like to think the ways lovers find each other is similar to how we find constellations in the sky. They change angles every now and then, but as long as you find the leading star, you’ll always find what’s left. I believe that soulmates are similar too, because sometimes the sky changes, and you don’t know if you’ll find them. At the end of the day though, all it takes is one star. From where we stand, we see it like a speck of glitter in a black sky. But if we were floating light-years closer from the spot we idle, the star might be gone. It takes hundreds of years for a star to disappear from the sky if we’re on the earth’s surface. And for those hundreds of years, you could be wishing on something that isn’t even there. Think about it, that dreary reality that every time you wish upon a star there’s a possibility that it’s dead, that you’re staring at something that’s already burnt out. What if I think I found the one? What if it’s just a burnt out star that I can still see from afar ? What if I stood close to it, would it be burnt out? Do I still love it? Would there be anything left to love? Sometimes, I think about it. If adoration were to resemble something, would it be the stars in the sky or would it be the fact that we still look up to them knowing that they could be gone? I am so afraid of wasting wishes. I wonder if the reason they never come true is because I keep picking the wrong stars in the sky, and that’s exactly why love and adoration are constellations. The big dipper is still in the sky but one day it’ll be missing a corner, and we won’t realize it until it’s gone. You don’t realize the person that you love now might not be the last person you love, but isn’t it so nice to think that they are while it’s happening? Doesn’t it hurt so badly when it’s gone? Isn’t it a relief when a brighter star comes along, a star that will last beyond your lifetime and won’t burn out mid wish? A star that’ll burn with you and stay in the sky alongside you until someone on the surface keeps wishing on you until you’re gone? Stars are a cycle and so is adoration. It’s stunning to think about and terrifying to acknowledge, but adoration takes strength, and so does acceptance.

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written december 2022